Go Big or Go Home

Fish Head just watched Big Ten Tailgate on TV, and saw the bit about Nebraska’s game, which was drowned out by cheers of “Go Big Red”.

Yes Big Red, Go Home to whatever swampy cornfield you came from. Sorry but Pervy Purdue Pete is going to find his hammer and pound you like a nail!

Last minute week 5 ramblings

The Fish Head dreads the 4:30PM kick on Fox. This cannot end well for the Cats, and nobody likes to see Mr. Khaki Pants succeed. Let’s all pray for a tornado or lightning or a tsunami.

Around the conference, it’s more of the same mostly. Sparty has a cupcake in the Chippewas, whose signature win was over the mighty Maine Bears. The Hoosiers will beat hell out of Rutgers, same as everyone else has, and Scott Frost will continue his excuse tour by getting pummeled by Purdue.

Closing out the day, the Wife Beaters face the Pedo Guys in Happy Valley. This game should be a shoot out with two highly touted (over-rated?) qb’s and CFP implications. But firstly who cares and secondly the game will mostly go to show how weak the Big Ten is this year.

Hope to see you at the suicide prevention clinic at the end of the Cats game, unless we have to go there at half time.

Doom and Gloom

It was bad enough losing Justin Jackson to graduation, but now Jeremy Larkin is gone too.

Read the bad news here.

Answers for Week 4

We need to test if the Fish Head is Nostradamus or Nosmartsamus. Granted my predictions were vague, insulting, and non-binary but poetic license applies.

1. How droopy will the Lovie merkin masks be after the Penn State Pedos drop 60 points on the Illini?
1. Fish Head Scores! Penn State crushed the Illini 63-24, albeit the Illini hung tough till the 4Q. And yes, I saw an announcer doing an interview wearing a merkin. Embarrassing look for Illinois.
2. Which Maryland shows up to play Minnesota? The Texas Maryland or the Temple Maryland?
1. Fish Head Scores! It was the Texas version of Maryland as the Golden Goats showed their true colors in a 42-13 blowout loss. And no Maryland players died, so that's good too.
3. How soon does Scott Frost ask for his UCF job back?
1. Fish Head Scores! Its no longer about asking, its about begging as the Cornholers were walloped by Michigan 56-10 and dropped to 0-3. UCF on the other hand crushed FAU and moved to 3-0.
4. Will Purdue’s march to 0-4 be obvious in the first quarter against BC?
1. Fish Head Loses! Purdue pantsed BC 30-13, with BC looking hapless on offense with 4 picks thrown.
5. Is anyone dumb enough to take Rutgers and the points against Buffalo?
1. Fish Head Scores! The Buffalo Bulls thumped Rutgers 42-13, easily covering ATS of -5. Better to just put your paper money in the shredder than bet on Rutgers.
6. Green Wave, Red Wave, Blue Wave. Should Tulane just phone in a forfeit?
1. Fish Head Scores! The Green Wave got swamped 49-6 by the Bucknuts. Next time use the phone, Tulane.
7. Does anyone believe IU can start 4-0?
1. Fish Head Scores! Nobody believed it and that was spot on as the Hoosiers lost 35-21 to Sparty. But at least they looked vaguely competitive.
8. Can the State of Iowa survive an invasion of rabid Badgers?
1. Fish Head Scores! Iowa lost 28-17 to Wiscy, albeit Iowa had the game locked and collapsed at the end, and the Badgers were more dyspeptic than rabid.

Heading into week 5, the Fish Head does not look forward to NU's anemic offense facing Michigan's defense. Fish Head votes for another Bye week.

Questions for Week 4

1. How droopy will the Lovie merkin masks be after the Penn State Pedos drop 60 points on the Illini?
2. Which Maryland shows up to play Minnesota? The Texas Maryland or the Temple Maryland?
3. How soon does Scott Frost ask for his UCF job back?
4. Will Purdue’s march to 0-4 be obvious in the first quarter against BC?
5. Is anyone dumb enough to take Rutgers and the points against Buffalo?
6. Green Wave, Red Wave, Blue Wave. Should Tulane just phone in a forfeit?
7. Does anyone believe IU can start 4-0?
8. Can the State of Iowa survive an invasion of rabid Badgers?

Thank God.....

....for the Bye week. Our burnt and blackened souls need it after the Akron collapse.

Week 3

The Cats face the fearsome Akron Zips in a must-win game Saturday night.

The 21 point spread favoring the Cats gives the Fish Head trepidatious gills. The Cats looked very flat against Duke, and can not afford a slow start against the Zips, who pummeled the always tough Morgan State Bears in week 2, after battling Nebraska to a scoreless (and playless) tie in week 1.

Key matchups to watch are Kato Nelson versus Clayton Thorson, and Jeremy Larkin versus Van Edwards. Fish Head expects the Cats to come out hot looking for a high scoring first quarter, which will excite all the folks in the $2 cheap seats, before it settles into a defensive struggle the rest of the way.

Don’t make your bowl reservations quite yet.

Week 2 Funk

The Fish Head is in a deep funk, floating upside down on the surface.

The Cats got thoroughly beaten by Duke, the offense looked anemic, and worse, the Cats week 1 win was tarnished as Purdue fell to the Fighting Pelicans of Eastern Michigan. As the coup de grace, Coach Fitz blamed the loss on the players, despite the obvious lack of a coherent game plan on offense.

The Akron game looms large next week, and the Cats need to reboot and improve in all phases of the game.

In other exciting Big Ten action, Nebraska lost to Colorado 33-28. Scott Frost’s prayers for rain were not answered a second week. Josh Heupel continues to laugh in Orlando.

Michigan, Wisconsin, Ohio State, and Maryland all beat their cupcakes. Sorry Rutgers, yes you are a tasty cupcake despite being a conference game.

Iowa’s defense beat Iowa State. Kirk Ferentz issued a BOLO to find his offense. The Illini stayed on track for their planned 2-10 season by beating Western Illinois, setting themselves up to run off the next 10 games as losses. Which actually seems likely as they have lost their starting QB and their star receiver.

The Fish Head is a proud Hoosier so it’s great to see IU start 2-0 after crushing Virginia 20-16. And yes that’s Virginia, not Va Tech and not West Virginia. In other words, a cupcake in disguise but still 2-0.

The Minnesota Gofers snuck by Fresno State to go 2-0. I am unconvinced by PJ Fleck’s enthusiastic yammering and expect a mid season implosion in Minneapolis.

Pedo State looked strong in taking down Pitt 51-6. Of course Pitt was so pathetic that they abandoned the field goal since they couldn’t handle snaps. The Fish Head stands by his prediction from last week that Happy Valley has seen better days.

Last but not least, Mark Dantonio pulled off a miracle by making Herm Edwards look good, as MSU choked one away losing to Arizona State 16-13. Can you say goodbye Top 25?

Next week the Cats face the Akron Zips in a night game, which the Fish Head will be surreptitiously watching via cell phone during the 93rd spawnaversary of his mother. Hard to judge the caliber of the Zips who beat Morgan State (FBS) handily, but given two weak Cats performances so far, trouble could be brewing.

Need a different cupcake

Duke beat the Cats 21-7, making two consecutive years of beat downs by the Dukies.

I suggest the Cats schedule a better cupcake, say NIU, EIU, or Texas State.

Observations from Week 1

I’m missing the in-person action due to health issues, but that doesn’t prevent me from commenting on action around the conference after week 1.

• Illinois snuck by the Kent State Molten Flashes. The only highlight of the game was the TV shots of Illini fans wearing Lovie Smith merkins on their faces.
• The Fighting Terps trashed Texas again. Maybe the Texas AD needs to pick tastier cupcakes.
• Go M Blue. Like, just go away and take Super Khaki Pants with you, and please do not wreck our bowl results again this year.
• MSU survived Utah State. Name one American who can find Utah on a map.
• The Buckeyes won. Who cares, we all still hate the Bucknuts. At least their coaches are not pedophiles.
• Speaking of pedo guys, Penn State snuck by Appalachian State, renowned giant killers whose sterling history is tarnished by recent Michigan performances. Look for a long and unhappy season in Happy Valley.
• Rutgers - seriously they are not in the Big Ten are they? We all know Texas is a State but who the hell is Texas State?
• Iowa beat hell out of NIU. Oh how far the Huskies have fallen.
• Scott Frost started the season with a bang at Nebraska, too bad it was the banging of thunder that caused the game to be cancelled. Josh Heupel had better results for the week.
• GO CATS as they took down Purdue. Must have been a great Fitz speech in the locker room at halftime as the Cats offense looked Uber flat in the second half.
• The Badgers beat Western Kentucky. And nobody cared.
• Lastly, Minnesota started a walk-on QB with a name like an Austrian city and beat NM State. I have Fleck’d boogers that had more football tradition than New Mexico State.

Go Cats beat the Dukies.