Two dead soldiers

Yea, yea, spare me the bunko about drinking too much. My theory is the booze is a cheaper preservative than formaldehyde, and its self-serve too.

I finished the Laphroaig first, and the JW was a fast follower. I found the Laphroaig to have a very strong, earthy taste. Skilled reviewers have described the taste as peaty, but I have never eaten any peat, so I will stick with earthy. Regardless, it was excellent as long as you like a strong taste. The Johnnie Walker Blue was a gift (free booze is always best) from my old team at work (thanks guys!). In my humble, non-expert opinion, JW Blue is the best scotch made, or at least the best this blogger has ever guzzled.

Unfortunately, I will now take a step down in my drinking habits. Being the cheap bastard that I am, I was counting on Xmas gifts to re-stock my booze levels, but all I got for Christmas was a lone bottle of JW Black, which hardly compares to the Blue. Life sucks when you have cheap relatives!

hypocrisy rant

Normally the Fish Head only writes about booze, football, cigars, and the occassional weird oddity that catches his attention on the Internet. Politics, religion, or any serious or controversial topic, might be of interest, but of the private kind, not the public kind.

In recent years, the Fish Head has lost interest in professional sports due to the many and sundry forms of hypocrisy exhibited by the players. Its hard to be interested in a game when the players are making millions of dollars and at the same time bitch and moan about their salaries, demand more, and don't play hard. Why would the Fish Head pay $100 for a ticket to watch a gaggle of grossly over-paid greedy prima donnas pretend to go all-out?

Today the Fish Head learned that hypocrisy is not just a sports phenomena. While reading the week's snail mail, the Fish Head stumbled across People Magazine, which featured a quite unflattering picture of celeb Jennifer Love Hewitt. Miss Hewitt was enraged by the fact that the media was taunting and dissing her for having put on a few extra pounds. Why was she enraged? Well of course, because the public's attitude towards her, would engender unhealthy body images in the minds of young girls.

Hmmmm....lessee. Normally the Fish Head might agree with this concept, being generally supportive of women, and also generally supportive of women being naked in his presence and feeling comfortable about it. But....isn't this the same Hewitt who has, in large part, become rich and famous by flaunting her supra-natural figure in lingerie on the covers of Maxim, FHM, and various other skin mags? Yes, the same Hewitt. So when she was earning a rich living, in part by selling the viewing of her un-naturally perfect body, that was cool with her and wouldn't have engendered any body image issues for other women who could never look that insanely perfect. But now that her figure is merely nice and natural, any commentary on the change or focus on her appearance might damage the psyche of the female population.

You can look it up for yourself, but the definition is "Hypocrisy is the act of condemning another person for an act of which the critic is guilty". And the Fish Head judges Miss Hewitt's reaction as the most obvious form of it.

Google to the rescue

Fish Head googled on "Tampa Steak" and 1,230,000 hits later, found paydirt. Bern's Steak House is (or at least it was many years ago) the best steak joint in the city. The upstairs dessert room has kitschy little booths that make the visit well worthwhile.

Ybor City

Fish Head's brother Pat, whose advancing age has seriously dulled his never-all-that-sharp knife edge, nevertheless came up with the name of the party district in Tampa. Ybor City was a totally great place to party back in the early 90's when I visited, although it sounds like the local government has been striving to tone it down a notch.

Now if someone could only come up with the name of that steak joint...

Personnel changes

Northwestern Athletic Director Mark Murphy is leaving the University to become CEO of the Green Bay Packers. Murphy, who has NFL playing experience, was well-respected at the school which has enjoyed considerable success in several sports over the last few years. The Tribune gave the story an entire column on the back page of the sports section.

Hidden away inside the sports section, in a tiny little paragraph, was far bigger news. Greg Colby, defensive coordinator, will not return for 2008. Head coach Fitzgerald, himself once a star linebacker at NU, couldn't have been pleased with the defense's performance this year. Removing Colby is a good first step, and we'll have to wait and see who Fitz picks as the replacement. Tip: Get someone who understands the words "pass rush" and "blitz".

Road trip options

Bowls are great for road trips. In past years, the Fish Head has been to the Orange Bowl, the Rose Bowl, the Alamo Bowl, and the Motor City Bowl. My alma mater choked away its season and bowl chances, but the great thing about college football is you can always come up with an excuse for a road trip. Purdue? I drove past there on I-65 a few times. Michigan State? I went to a game there once. Indiana? I was born in Hammond. Wisconsin? I eat cheese sometimes. Ohio State? I think I ate a buckeye one Christmas.

So let's walk thru these games in order and rate them on their potential for a road trip.

As discussed in other entries in this blog, the Motor City is a nice road trip. While Detroit gets a bad rap for its general miserable economic condition, there is an approximately 4-square block section of downtown that's nice. Jacoby's, Greektown, the casino, and a profusion of bars make for a great time. Throw in a mini-bar and you are sure to have a blast.

The Champs Bowl is a mystery to me. What or who sponsors this one? And who in their right mind would go to Orlando for a bowl game? Take a pass on the Champs.

The Alamo Bowl is likely the best party time of any bowl. Get a hotel right on the riverwalk, and the odds of leaving San Antonio with a live liver are slim. Visit the martini bar, the cigar bar, the Hooters, and keep right on going down the list of bars. The Fish Head likes bars, and for a short break you can visit the actual Alamo which is smack dab in downtown San Antonio. And hey the Alamo Dome is nice too.

The Fish Head doesn't know anything about the Insight Bowl, but its a safe prediction that a college town loaded with hot coeds and bars can't be all bad. But Oklahoma against Indiana? Who dreamed up this match?

The Outback Bowl is named after a steak joint and is played in a town whose only claims to fame are stripper joints and cigars. Which is pretty close to perfect for a road trip - Mons Venus anyone? I vaguely recall an excellent party area in Tampa, in an old warehouse district; but apparently I was so drunk at the time that I can't remember the name of the district. And there's a great steak joint in town with a nifty dessert and smoking room upstairs, whose name I also can't remember. Maybe they have amnesia in the water.

Capital One. Deja vu in Orlando. Skip it. Altho the opportunity to see Tim Tebow destroy the Wolverines sounds good.

The Rose Bowl is in Pasadena. Which is in California. Which is full of weirdos and Democrats. No attraction here, except the possibility of seeing USC get pummelled. Which in retrospect, makes the weirdos and Democrats tolerable. But can you trust the Illini to pull it off?

The BCS title game is played in New Orleans. I've never been, but its a legendary party city and this is the biggest game of them all. A little jazz, a little spicy food, some booze, and a great football game. Oh, and Ohio State getting slaughtered. Perfect!

Big Ten bowls

On November 22, I posted my and CBS's predictions for the likely Big Ten bowl line-up. And then we had two weekends of upsets, chokes, fades, and generally vomitous play by the top teams. And the equally vomitous but inactive Big Ten leaders, OSU and Illinois, benefited greatly from the churn.

OSU has snuck upwards thru the muck to the title game; and Illinois pass/fail'd its way from the Capital One to the Rose. Hey, if you can't succeed on your own merits, the next best thing is to succeed on the failures of others!

The other lucky son of a buck is Purdue, which was on the bubble. The extra BCS game (Illinois) for the Big Ten opened a spot and Purdue snuck into the ever-prestigious Motor City Bowl. Which so happens to be a great place to spend the day after Xmas!

BCS selections

The BCS selections were announced tonight on Fox. The big loser was Mizzou who disappeared to a consolation bowl (Cotton), and the big winner was Ohio State who backed into the title game. And the surprise team of the year is Hawaii, who goes to the Sugar against Georgia.

A thief with good taste

The Fish Head is a fiscal and moral conservative in all ways (even conservatives have a few unpleasant vices) and generally frowns on all manner of crimes (except the ones he commits himself). But even the Fish Head has to admire this crook, whom the press fails to realize may have purloined the goods for personal use!

Today's sports apology

The Fish Head is a moron. Dumber than a grouper. Slower than a sea urchin.

Pitt should have given Wannstedt a 10 year extension, as Pitt upset 4-TD favorite West Virginia and threw the BCS into a chaotic tizzy. "A flat out nightmare", per the West Virginia coach. Not clear whether he was referring to his #2 team blowing an easy game and choking away their national title chances, or losing to Wannstedt.

This leaves the BCS title game to Ohio State, which of course has fond memories from last year's complete choke. And maybe the BCS will actually pick an opponent from the wreckage of all the other teams who have also choked away big games this year. Or maybe they will just pick OSU and give them a forfeit, to spare us all the embarrassment of what is sure to be a shocking but crappy game, given the nature of this year's performances in big games. Oh did I forget to mention #1 Mizzou lost too?

Today's sports news

Dave Wannstedt, beloved in Chicago, received a three year contract extension at Pitt. Why? His stellar record, of course. During his three seasons as head coach at Pitt, his teams have gone 5-6, 6-6, and 4-7, for a combined 15-19. This after going 39-23 with 5 bowl appearances during the previous 5 years under Walt Harris. Wannstedt's tenure has been marked by losing and bizarre, un-defendable game decisions. And it seems like he fits in with the Pitt administration, which inexplicably also today hired Steve Pederson. Yes, the same Steve Pederson who was just fired by Nebraska immediately after giving Bill Callahan a 3 year contract extension. Whereupon Callahan was fired, to be replaced by Bo Pellini who shoulda woulda coulda got Callhan's job in the first place. Uhhhhh.....I hope this is making sense to someone!

And the Bowl selections are starting to roll in. Penn State will play in the Alamo and Wiscy will play in the Outback. Tune in to the Pitt (lol) and Mizzou games to see if OSU can back into a miracle and play in the title game.

no wonder every one from Ipanema is happy

Try one of these bad boys and you will understand why Brazilians always seem happy. I bought a bag full of limes over the weekend and plan to hit the cachaca hard tonite!

Ate too much on Turkey Day?

Darts

I went to the local pub yesterday, drained a few Guinness's, and played darts on one of those electronic dart boards. Despite my brother thrashing me several games in a row, I enjoyed the competition and today I spent a few moments googling on "pub darts". 2,050,000 hits. Does Google provide 2M hits on every obscure topic? Who wrote that code anyway?

After I had finished reviewing all 2M URLs (not much to do today until the college football games start), I did find a few interesting ones.

Online games were common. The parkinson-esque movement of this one is most reminiscent of my own shaky throws.

Need to find a pub with darts? This site helps you locate one. Its for the UK but what the hell, listing one Chicago pub won't hurt them any. Especially since I used my brother's email for the contact. Spam anyone?

Worried about the status of the sport? Major angst in the UK about the gradual decline of darts. Apparently the younger crowd has moved onto those snazzy rollerball golf video games.

Want to win a few bucks? MacGowan's has a nice little tournament, and hey, who knew Compuserve was still running?

I'd like a nifty sign like this for my basement.

The eHow site tells you how to set up a dartboard (??) and how to win while blindfolded. Hey I only have one eye now, maybe I should enucleate the other to improve my game?

Lastly, I did the now-obligatory porn search, googling on "pub darts porn". Hits? Sure, 64,100 hits. Including information on chico1972 who likes drinking, mountain biking, darts, and of course porn. Pre-teen nudes? Yes, somehow they are involved with darts. And of course, a hit that references the Temple Bar on Calle Alvear in Buenos Aires, where the wait staff apparently downloads porn in between serving Guinness and playing darts and snooker.

Good-bye Talisker

I guzzled the last of my Talisker and have moved on to a bottle of Laphroaig. No, I can't pronounce that, can you? According to Wikipedia, its pronounced "la-FROW-yg". It has a reputation for having a strong, distinctive peaty taste. Check back in a week or two to see if I liked it.

Finis

And so the Big Ten season ends with a whimper not a bang, as the Wildcats looked flat and outclassed as they lost to the Illini, 41-22. NU's multi-year win streak over the Illini was broken and the Tomahawk returns to Champaign.

Iowa played itself out of bowl contention by losing a shocker to Western Michigan, and Purdue left itself on the bubble by losing to in-state rival Indiana. Indiana will go to its first bowl game in many years, living up to the Gipper hype after the tragic death of Coach Hoeppner.

While the Big Ten season is over, thankfully action continues in the other conferences. The best game for Turkey day will be watching the Sun Devils pummel Southern Cal. For Saturday, be sure to tune in to watch the resurgent Irish try to beat Jim Harbaugh's Cardinal. As you may be aware, the admission standards at Notre Dame are not up to Stanford's snuff.

Bowl chances

Click here for the running tab on NU's odds of a bowl visit. With yesterday's big losses by OSU (and corresponding win by Illinois) and Michigan, the Big Ten race has become somewhat scrambled. Best case, the Big Ten will have only one BCS participant, with the Rose selecting OSU. But OSU faces Michigan in their traditional finale to the season; if Michigan beats OSU, all bets are off.

Other games next week are equally crucial. Northwestern squares off against Illinois, and its a must win game for the Cats. A win would move the Cats to 7-5 overall, 4-4 in conference, and give them a shot at one of the lesser Big Ten bowls. Losses by Wiscy, Penn State, Purdue, and Iowa would increase the Cats chances.

Go Cats! Beat the Illini!

Un-tidy bowl

The Wildcats snuck by Indiana 31-28 to become bowl-eligible. As usual, the cardiac crew made every effort to maximize the pulmonary pressure, scoring the go-ahead TD with only 44 ticks on the clock, but at the same time leaving Indiana 44 ticks to come back. The game was finally decided when the Cats forced a Hoosiers fumble with 12 seconds to go, but an official review then elongated the suspense by several minutes. The Wildcats football games are eerily similar to professional basketball - show up with 2 minutes to go and you will see everything of interest.

Highlights of the game (not counting the thrilling finish):

Indiana coach calling a pass play for the scrub QB who was in for one play. Result: Horrible toss, interception, Cats touchdown. Oops, maybe you should have called a run.
The running game. Tyrell had 141 rushing yards on 33 (count 'em!) attempts and 213 total yards. The re-appearance of the running game is very timely.
Heineken mini-kegs. These things are the bomb.
My oldest daughter attending the tail-gate and game. After many years of tailgating, she was the first family member to make it to a game!

So the Cats are now 6-5 (3-4 conference) and technically bow-eligible. The Fish Head is too mentally challenged to fully decipher the bowl scramble, but its likely that 6-5 (especially with other Big Ten events this weekend) will not get the Cats a bowl. Oh, to have that Duke game back. Or, that Michigan game. Or, that Purdue game. The Cats maddening inconsistency and inability to close out every game has placed them in this precarious bowl position, where the Illini game on 11/17 is a must-win.

StatCounter-ing the sick pukes

Everyone knows this country is full of sick, demented freakazoids these days. But how full is full, exactly? Are there more freaks now than say, 30 years ago? I can't answer those questions, but I can provide a very small, and very bizarre little numerical tidbit.

Shortly after establishing this blog, my bloated ego insisted that I be able to monitor the size of my undoubtedly massive readership. So I installed a free utility called Stat Counter, which tracks usage statistics on your site. At first I found it fascinating to see how many (lol rarely out of the single digits) hits the site got, what countries the visitors were from, etc. But the novelty soon wore off, and my weekly usage emails from Stat Counter went unread.

For whatever reason, I read today's usage report, and was astounded to see heavy volume on my site, from of all places, Canada. What might our friends from the frosty north find of interest on Fish Head? Oh, the sickness of it all is astounding. When I drilled into the Stat Counter logs to see what the Canuckers were up to, I discovered these sleazoids were Googling for "Fish Head Porno", which grotesquely enough yields over 2M results with result #1 being Fish Head On a Stick!

Now you need to ask yourself two questions. First, what in the world would prompt some demented Canadians to combine the words "fish head" and "porno"? I don't know what your life experience has been, but mine has not included anything that would lead me to think of that combination. Second, why oh why is that combination of words so commonly juxtaposed as to yield over 2M hits?

Google it yourself, if you dare.

Calendar of the Year

There's bikinis. Playboy. Hooters.

But here's the best of all.