Week 3

The Cats face the fearsome Akron Zips in a must-win game Saturday night.

The 21 point spread favoring the Cats gives the Fish Head trepidatious gills. The Cats looked very flat against Duke, and can not afford a slow start against the Zips, who pummeled the always tough Morgan State Bears in week 2, after battling Nebraska to a scoreless (and playless) tie in week 1.

Key matchups to watch are Kato Nelson versus Clayton Thorson, and Jeremy Larkin versus Van Edwards. Fish Head expects the Cats to come out hot looking for a high scoring first quarter, which will excite all the folks in the $2 cheap seats, before it settles into a defensive struggle the rest of the way.

Don’t make your bowl reservations quite yet.

Week 2 Funk

The Fish Head is in a deep funk, floating upside down on the surface.

The Cats got thoroughly beaten by Duke, the offense looked anemic, and worse, the Cats week 1 win was tarnished as Purdue fell to the Fighting Pelicans of Eastern Michigan. As the coup de grace, Coach Fitz blamed the loss on the players, despite the obvious lack of a coherent game plan on offense.

The Akron game looms large next week, and the Cats need to reboot and improve in all phases of the game.

In other exciting Big Ten action, Nebraska lost to Colorado 33-28. Scott Frost’s prayers for rain were not answered a second week. Josh Heupel continues to laugh in Orlando.

Michigan, Wisconsin, Ohio State, and Maryland all beat their cupcakes. Sorry Rutgers, yes you are a tasty cupcake despite being a conference game.

Iowa’s defense beat Iowa State. Kirk Ferentz issued a BOLO to find his offense. The Illini stayed on track for their planned 2-10 season by beating Western Illinois, setting themselves up to run off the next 10 games as losses. Which actually seems likely as they have lost their starting QB and their star receiver.

The Fish Head is a proud Hoosier so it’s great to see IU start 2-0 after crushing Virginia 20-16. And yes that’s Virginia, not Va Tech and not West Virginia. In other words, a cupcake in disguise but still 2-0.

The Minnesota Gofers snuck by Fresno State to go 2-0. I am unconvinced by PJ Fleck’s enthusiastic yammering and expect a mid season implosion in Minneapolis.

Pedo State looked strong in taking down Pitt 51-6. Of course Pitt was so pathetic that they abandoned the field goal since they couldn’t handle snaps. The Fish Head stands by his prediction from last week that Happy Valley has seen better days.

Last but not least, Mark Dantonio pulled off a miracle by making Herm Edwards look good, as MSU choked one away losing to Arizona State 16-13. Can you say goodbye Top 25?

Next week the Cats face the Akron Zips in a night game, which the Fish Head will be surreptitiously watching via cell phone during the 93rd spawnaversary of his mother. Hard to judge the caliber of the Zips who beat Morgan State (FBS) handily, but given two weak Cats performances so far, trouble could be brewing.

Need a different cupcake

Duke beat the Cats 21-7, making two consecutive years of beat downs by the Dukies.

I suggest the Cats schedule a better cupcake, say NIU, EIU, or Texas State.

Observations from Week 1

I’m missing the in-person action due to health issues, but that doesn’t prevent me from commenting on action around the conference after week 1.

• Illinois snuck by the Kent State Molten Flashes. The only highlight of the game was the TV shots of Illini fans wearing Lovie Smith merkins on their faces.
• The Fighting Terps trashed Texas again. Maybe the Texas AD needs to pick tastier cupcakes.
• Go M Blue. Like, just go away and take Super Khaki Pants with you, and please do not wreck our bowl results again this year.
• MSU survived Utah State. Name one American who can find Utah on a map.
• The Buckeyes won. Who cares, we all still hate the Bucknuts. At least their coaches are not pedophiles.
• Speaking of pedo guys, Penn State snuck by Appalachian State, renowned giant killers whose sterling history is tarnished by recent Michigan performances. Look for a long and unhappy season in Happy Valley.
• Rutgers - seriously they are not in the Big Ten are they? We all know Texas is a State but who the hell is Texas State?
• Iowa beat hell out of NIU. Oh how far the Huskies have fallen.
• Scott Frost started the season with a bang at Nebraska, too bad it was the banging of thunder that caused the game to be cancelled. Josh Heupel had better results for the week.
• GO CATS as they took down Purdue. Must have been a great Fitz speech in the locker room at halftime as the Cats offense looked Uber flat in the second half.
• The Badgers beat Western Kentucky. And nobody cared.
• Lastly, Minnesota started a walk-on QB with a name like an Austrian city and beat NM State. I have Fleck’d boogers that had more football tradition than New Mexico State.

Go Cats beat the Dukies.

Big Cats win in the Pinstripe Bowl

Fitz trolls Kannell

This year....

I saved $600 and they gyp'd me out of parking entirely! So much for 20 years of faithful season ticket purchases!

Yes I am confident that I wasted $600 on parking.

Yes its 2 years since I posted....

And the 2013 football season is dead as a doornail. Yep, three pastings in a row, the Cats are 4-3 with reduced (no?) hopes of making a bowl. See you in 2015 when I post again.

What we have to look forward to now

Wait'll next year!

SOS - Save Our Season

Dear God, Yaweh, Allah, or Agnostic Deity of Last Choice,

Please save our season. I promise I'll go to church. Synagog. Pray on the Mat. Pretend I don't care if you exist. Whatever!

Please make Joe Pa have an aneurysm in the first quarter. But then make him all better after we win, I am not mean-spirited that way.

Please make their goofy QB rotation scheme work in favor of our leaky secondary. Make Matt McGloin throw like Rex Grossman - right into the hands of the CBs.

Please make some doofus season ticket holders actually show up in their seats - in purple.

Please make Zach remember that passing out drunk on the CTA is not a recipe for a long safe life. And that if someone is knifing him, I'm not helping I'm moving to the next car like the sign says.

Thank you already for taking care of that little SOB Moye. We appreciate you taking out their only true receiving threat for us. Was that little gem left-over good will from when I last went to church 17 years ago?

Lastly, please shine those rays from the Ark of the Covenant onto Dan our QB. Give him the power to lead your armies to a crushing victory over the forces of darkness.

Oh, and that stupid f-cking Nittany lion thing. Everyone knows there are no lions in Pennsylvania, and there is no such place as Happy Valley. So if you could....say...tsunami all of that right out of existence, I'd much appreciate it. Nobody really needs Pennsylvania anyway.

224 days to season opener at BC

The Cats finished the season in disappointing fashion, with blowout losses to Illinois and Wiscy, and a close but especially disappointing bowl loss to Texas Tech.

All you can say is....224 days to the season opener and hopefully Persa comes back in good health. See you all in Boston!

Cats crush Redbirds

The Cats crushed the Illinoise State Redbirds 37-3, blitzing them with 30 points in the first half.

Dan Persa continued his super-efficient passing attack, completing another 85% or so of his pass attempts, including several TD throws. More amazingly, the run game peeked out of its hidey hole and amassed a few yards on the ground.

The weather did not cooperate and portions of the West Lot (including our parking spot) were deep underwater. Its not often you get to see your brother bailing water from a pot hole with a beer cup. Good times!

Next up for the Cats is Rice. Rice played Texas close in week 1, but could only manage to sneak by North Texas "Mean Green" 32-31 in week 2. Considering the Mean Green's ratty record (5 wins in the previous four years), this bodes well for the Cats in week 3.

Long time no post!

The Cats opened at Vanderbilt in Nashville, and the Fish Head and Let's Go Somewhere and Get F-cked Up drove down to cheer on the team.

The Cats escaped with a sloppy 23-21 win over the Commodores, and the refs escaped with only a moderate amount of rubbish thrown on them by the angry Vandy fans. And, LGSAGFU got more wasted on the absinthe than the Fish Head did; tailgating at Morton's is highly recommended (skip the weird bleu cheese fries).

Next up for the Cats is Illinois State, victors over Central Missouri State (who?) by 55-54. The Redbirds might be a tougher challenge for the Cats defense than the hapless Commodores.

Spring Scrimmage

April 24. 8 AM. West Lot. Be there. Nuff said!

Let's take a little drive

End of Days....

Must be upon us. Religious wackos look for signs like plagues, pestilence, floods, Satan, that sort of crap.

Me? I look for the more prosaic but definitely more important signs. And all signs point to the Big End.

First, the Wildcats lost to Syracuse. Syracuse? Otto the Orange? What the Hell?

Second, in this losing effort, Mike "Demon Spawn" Kafka set a school record for consecutive completions and threw for 390 yards. What the Hell?

Lastly, Pax Americana and the greatest empire since Byzantium has come to an end with the tire tiff. Yes, that tire tiff where the US has imposed import tariffs on automobile tires produced in China. Whereupon the Chinese threatened retaliatory tariffs on imports of American....chicken feet! Yes, Chicken Feet. You know, those things upon which chickens walk? Apparently this is the ONLY DAMN THING this country produces of value. Chicken Feet. What the Hell?

Death to Otto

<- If you see this guy....stomp his face!

A win is a win...

To quote noted football prognosticator Clay Nurse of the Fighting Illini, "A win is a win". Yes indeedy and the Cats advanced to 2-0 by sneaking by the Eagles of EMU 27-24. The day was saved by Stefan Demos who nailed a monster 49-yard FG as the clock wound down; this was only Demos third career field goal and a clutch effort.

Let's take a quick look at how things are stacking up for the Cats. Looking back, the Cats pummelled Towson in the season opener. But Towson improved in week #2, avoiding another loss by having a bye week. They will face Coastal Carolina next week, who trashed Monmouth this week. Learn anything from that? Yea, if you didn't already know it, Towson was a cupcake that plays other cupcakes and we learned nothing from the Towson game other than we can beat a cupcake.

Eastern Michigan is now 0-2. In their season opener, they were beaten by Army 27-14. And Army in week #2? Crushed by Duke. Deep analysis? EMU is as much of a cupcake as Towson, thus NU's a-win-is-a-win over EMU is not promising.

Next up for the Cats is Syracuse. In week #1, Syracuse almost took down the Golden Gophers, and in week #2, they looked pretty good considering they were totally over-matched by a loaded Penn State squad. If the Cats go to Syracuse and play flat, it will not be a good result.

First up for the Cats are the Towson Tigers of Towson University. Never heard of Towson? Me either. The university is located in Towson, a suburb of Baltimore, and was founded in 1866, and is "one of the best regional public universities" in the US. Surprisingly, Towson is the second largest university in Maryland, an amazing statistic for a school no-one ever heard of.

Other amazing facts about Towson:

• The most famous alumnus appears to be a lady named Jennifer Hurt. She appears to be the main reason anyone would attend Towson.
• The Tigers play in Johnny Unitas Stadium. Gotta respect that.
• The Tigers finished 3-9 in the Colonial in 2008. Can you spell defense? The Tigers could not.
• First year coach Rob Ambrose most recently coached at UConn and has a good track record.

And that is about all there is to say about Towson. Unlike some famous universities, it seems that the students at Towson do not burn cars, stab each other, or generally do anything Google-worthy.